I Have Confidence in Me

I've always known I've absolutely no self-confidence, but lately I've really been thinking about why I don't have any and how ridiculous it is. I believe my lack of confidence comes from my low self-esteem, which stems my weight issues. When you're overweight, people treat you different, and you feel absolutely terrible about yourself. It becomes your life.

You constantly think about how fat you are because it affects everything you do. You can't sit in normal seats without wondering if you'll fit or break it. You can't go shopping in normal stores. You can't breathe right. You avoid full length mirrors because they don't lie. Your whole life changes, and not for the better.

Because people treat you differently, and this world really wasn't made for fat people, you start to view yourself in a different light. You feel unloved, unpretty, like a joke, and out of place. Being fat steals your joy because life is so different. You're limited. You start telling yourself how ugly and gross you are. You believe the lies and they consume you.

I've come to the realization lately that I don't look people in the eyes generally or even talk to them because I don't feel good enough, or unworthy to do so. How stupid is that? Even though I may not be drop dead gorgeous and I don't have a fantastic body, I am a person, and I deserve to hold my head up high. I'm NOT unworthy of anything based on how I look.

My lack of self-confidence has sabatoged my weight loss all of these years because I didn't believe that I could do it. I believed all the lies I told myself.. "I can't do it", "I don't have the willpower", "I'm too tired" ,"I don't want anyone to see me running" ,"I'm not good enough".

blah, blah, blah...

So lately, I've been trying to turn this thing around. Instead of telling myself "I can't because (insert reason here)" I'm telling myself "I can and I will". I have also given myself little assignments (ie, look everyone in the eye, don't look down, keep your head held high, etc.) Believe me, this is hard.. but so worth it!

In the last few weeks, I've seen such a dramatic change in my behavior. Because I'm starting to view myself in a different light, I'm acting differently. I'm much more happy and content with life.. Not only that- I'm striving for the best because I know I'm worthy of it and I believe I can attain it.

It's been such a welcome and neccessary change in my life.