Mind and Body

Last night Travis and I had an oh-so-wonderful heart to heart. You know, one of those talks are NEVER fun, however, when you're through with them, you generally feel enlightened and inspired. We talked about our future and things that are holding us back from achieving what we wanted out of life. We talked about my weight and how much I struggle with fixing this issue that I have. I told him that even though in my head I want to work out, my body never feels up to the challenge. My body always tends to crave something so strongly that I end up giving in even though my mind is screaming "NOOO!"

Travis then made a very interesting observation... He said that it seems that I've let my body control my mind instead of the other way around. Then he showed me this quote that he had found... 

"Now if you are going to win any battle you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do. The body will always give up. It is always tired in the morning, noon, and night. But the body is never tired if the mind is not tired."

                                    - George S. Patton, U.S. Army General, 1912 Olympian

Needless to say, the lightbulb came on. Really, how many times have I let my body decide what I was or wasn't going to do. How many times have workouts or chores been neglected because I didn't feel up to something? How many times have I eaten in such an unhealthy manner because my body told me to? Rarely have I forsaken the wants of my body. Rarely have I given my body what it needs (a figurative kick in the fanny.)

So begins the process of training my mind to think for itself.

Tough Times

This week has been one of the most emotionally draining weeks I've had in quite some time. As I've stated before, my husband has PTSD (post tramatic stress disorder.) This week, he's been struggling a lot lately in regards to the cause of this disorder, and has decided that he needs some additional help. The opportunity has arisen for him to seek additional help down in Texas using the best program in the country for PTSD. This program is 28 days long and he could leave as early as this week.

After he made the decision to go, we talked about me packing up and moving down south to set up our home. I didn't want to be in New York by myself for a month, and I felt that I could be closer to him and could visit him occassionally during this program. Plus, he would only be in the Army a few more weeks after he returned.

I started making arrangements to move within a week, and was looking at plane tickets so my best friend could fly up here to help me. Unfortunately, all of that fell through, so we changed plans. As it's looking now, I'm going to move at the beginning of next month. That will give me more time to pack and look for a new home and a job.

Yesterday we hit a snag in the decisions that we had already made. My husband is now thinking that he doesn't want to go to this program and that he can fix the issues that he has. I'm absolutely at a loss. I really believe that going would be the best thing for him. I know he will learn useful tools on how to cope and forgive himself and others. However, I can't convince him that it's really going to help him. It's absolutely frustrating and heartbreaking.

He says the reason he doesn't want to go is that he doesn't want to be treated as a crazy person or a prisoner, which I can understand. Although he won't admit it, I think the main reason he's holding back is because he doesn't want to deal with the pain this will cause. He knows that in order to heal, he's going to have to deal with the stuff that he's been surpressing for so long. He's going to have to feel, and I think that scares him.

We need a lot of prayer. I want him to actually go to this program and to begin the healing process. I need the strength to deal with a time of lonliness and the stress that comes with moving. I thank you all and I hope you had a wonderful Easter.