Tough Times

This week has been one of the most emotionally draining weeks I've had in quite some time. As I've stated before, my husband has PTSD (post tramatic stress disorder.) This week, he's been struggling a lot lately in regards to the cause of this disorder, and has decided that he needs some additional help. The opportunity has arisen for him to seek additional help down in Texas using the best program in the country for PTSD. This program is 28 days long and he could leave as early as this week.

After he made the decision to go, we talked about me packing up and moving down south to set up our home. I didn't want to be in New York by myself for a month, and I felt that I could be closer to him and could visit him occassionally during this program. Plus, he would only be in the Army a few more weeks after he returned.

I started making arrangements to move within a week, and was looking at plane tickets so my best friend could fly up here to help me. Unfortunately, all of that fell through, so we changed plans. As it's looking now, I'm going to move at the beginning of next month. That will give me more time to pack and look for a new home and a job.

Yesterday we hit a snag in the decisions that we had already made. My husband is now thinking that he doesn't want to go to this program and that he can fix the issues that he has. I'm absolutely at a loss. I really believe that going would be the best thing for him. I know he will learn useful tools on how to cope and forgive himself and others. However, I can't convince him that it's really going to help him. It's absolutely frustrating and heartbreaking.

He says the reason he doesn't want to go is that he doesn't want to be treated as a crazy person or a prisoner, which I can understand. Although he won't admit it, I think the main reason he's holding back is because he doesn't want to deal with the pain this will cause. He knows that in order to heal, he's going to have to deal with the stuff that he's been surpressing for so long. He's going to have to feel, and I think that scares him.

We need a lot of prayer. I want him to actually go to this program and to begin the healing process. I need the strength to deal with a time of lonliness and the stress that comes with moving. I thank you all and I hope you had a wonderful Easter.