A Fish Out of Water

Right now I feel like a fish out of water. I feel like I've been scooped up out of my familiarities and placed on a table, not knowing if I can find a way back to my tank.

In New York, I had my home, my husband, my routines. Now, I have none of that. I'm going between my parent's house and my friend's house. They are always completely hospitable and I greatly appreciate their generosity. And while I absolutely love being with my family and friends, I feel alone and out of place.

Since I've been here, I've been looking for a home, however, I've not had much luck. Either it's too expensive, it reeks of mildew, or no one returns my phone calls. It has been such a frustrating experience. With all of this going on, I'm asking myself if I made the right decision to move down here. Maybe I jumped when I wasn't suppose to jump? I feel so uneasy.

I'm longing for comfort and familiarity. I want to feel at peace with the decision we made to move down here. I miss my husband so much and I miss our life together. I miss having a place of our own. I really don't like having to rely on others to give me a roof over my head. I don't like not having a plan or having some smidgen of an idea of what's going to happen today or tomorrow.

I'm sorry for complaining.. Being alone has given me too much time to think and worry. I pray that very soon God gives me some direction, a place to live, and His peace that passes all understanding.