For the first time in a long time I am feeling very content with my life. With all that has gone on in the last few years, I have struggled a lot with being dissatisfied. My life has not turned out at all the way I use to picture it. I have made more than my share poor decisions over the last few years. Some things that have happened were beyond my control. Regardless, I have been dissatisfied, restless, and completely envious of others. However, in this moment, I'm very content with where I am.
I use to picture myself married with at least 2 rugrats at this age. I would have a college degree, own a house, be a preacher's wife, and would have a ministry of my own. I would be devastatingly in love with my husband, and he with me. I would be the "Proverbs 31 woman". I would take the occassional missions trip overseas. I would be healthy and fit. I would never speak unkind of anyone. I would be giving, and would use my time praying for and helping others. My house would be clean. I would play the violin and piano. I would sing occassionally in church. I would home school my children. I would teach them about life and God. I would travel the world. I would get up early each morning, fix a cup of coffee, and spend time with God.
Those were/are my dreams. However, that is not my life, and for a long time, I hated that. I'm finally coming to grips with the fact that I may never have that life. Currently my life is far from my perfect dream, but I'm okay with that. My life is my own, and I need to be content with where I am, but continuing to strive for better. I shouldn't sit around sulking about what I should be or have.
I need to focus on what I already have:
I have amazing parents who love me. I have a wonderful brother, sister, and sister-in-law. I have two handsome nephews and a beautiful niece. I have great grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. I have the best friends in the world. I have a roof over my head. I have a running car, a job, and food on the table. I have dogs who love to give me kisses when I come home each day. I was blessed enough to have a wonderful Christian education. I have a Savior that loves me and died for me. I am so fortunate to live in such a wonderful country.
I am so very blessed, and so very content with what I have. If I never see my dreams come to pass, that's okay because what I already do have is so very wonderful. So, thank you God. Also, thank you to all of those that make my life so wonderful.
Because you don't have that husband and children you long for, doesn't mean the rest of your dream can't become true. You can wake everyday with that cup of coffee, have that relationship with GOD, teach the children in your community the knowledge you have to offer and now, more than ever, is the time to travel on missionary trips. Take control of your life as it is your own and no one else's. And on your way, you may find someone. The true person you are supposed to be with and carry out your vision. As we grow older, we grow wiser. Sometimes it isn't so bad to know what you want as an experienced adult, rather than a new one. I think it's more to offer another person. Hugs to you cousin.
ReplyDeleteJust because your dreams have been delayed, doesn't mean they'll never happen... I am still learning that! God has great plans for you Courtney!
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