Finding Hope

I began this Journey two years ago.

Two years ago, I vowed to lose 100 lbs in 9 months..

Two years later, I'm only 30 lbs lighter.

Grant it, so much has happened in the last two years, but still. That's a lot of time wasted, which frustrates the fire out of me. I can't believe I wasted another few years of my life being miserably fat. Had I stayed true to my word, I would have a body like Catherine Zeta-Jones... But instead, I'm still medically classified as "morbidly obese". (Gosh, I hate that term...)

Until recently, I had basically given up hope that I would ever have a normal life as a healthy, thin person. I had accepted the fact that I was going to be forever a fattie. It sucked, but that's life, right?

I didn't have much motivation to go exercise (I would say, "it's too much effort.."), and diets were "of the devil". I mean, how dare someone tell me I couldn't have a brownie! I've tried many diets, but I could never get past 3 days (sad, I know). Truth be told, most of the time, it only lasted a day.

Recently, I had a couple friends join Weight Watchers. I thought, "Good for them, but it would never work for me." Then, one of my friends told me she had lost 6 lbs the first week. She assured me that it was by far the easiest diet she'd ever been on. So I decided to take a look into it. That day, I decided to join, not fully knowing what I was getting into. I figured it was better than doing nothing at all.

So, the first day was alright.. Then came the second day. That day, I did an awful job. I failed a little bit, which led to a lot of guilt.. Then that led to me failing a lot. I was about to throw in the towel, when I consulted friends that were doing Weight Watchers as well. They reminded me that I am human, and I'm going to fail from time to time. They encouraged me to keep going and to be honest with myself along the way.
To tell you the truth the whole, 'being honest with myself' was the hardest part of the deal. I knew I had done a poor job that day, but I wasn't allowing myself to see how badly I did, and how much I really needed help.

The truth is this:

I am severely obese.

I CAN'T do this on my own.

Truth be told, I lost a battle, but that doesn't mean I lost the war.

I CAN do this diet.

That night, after I had finally been honest with myself, I decided to take this weight loss journey seriously. From there, I researched things and came up with a plan on how to make this a success. When day three came, I was prepared. When Day four came, I was estatic. Not only did I make it through the 'three day' mark, but my outlook on everything was starting to change. I wasn't making excuses for myself like I had always done. I was choosing to eat healthier. It became a game for me.. All of the sudden, dieting was fun.. (If you know me, that just doesn't happen.)

As cheesy as this sounds, Weight Watchers has been a miracle for me. As far as diets go, I don't like a challenge, and Weight Watchers is easy. Quite honestly, I'd rather eat a brownie than a vegetable.. Already, I've stopped craving a lot of unhealthy foods, and I'm eating cabbage with dinner--what the heck?! Also, I use to hate stepping on the scale, but now I enjoy it. Although the number on it is still outstanding, it's actually going down! This program has given me hope for a better tomorrow.

Now, I don't feel like I'll forever be limited to shopping at Lane Bryant. With each pound I lose, I gain confidence and self-worth. I actually feel like I can accomplish things-both great and small.. By the end of the year, I will be able to ride a roller coaster comfortably. One day, I'll be a stunning bride, and I'll look back at those wedding photos with joy and gladness instead of utter disgust in badly how I looked. Who knows, maybe I'll even climb a mountain! (lol)