Tonight I found out that a dear friend of mine is pregnant. I couldn't be more excited for her. She's wonderful and she deserves it. However, 2 hours after finding out, I became emotional. I started thinking about how much I want a baby, and how frustrated I am that I can't have one for a long time. Needless to say, I began to cry, and even as I sit here writing this, I'm crying.
Two years ago I found out that I have PCOS. This could be due to the fact that I'm overweight, but even healthy women can have PCOS. One doctor told me that it would be difficult to get pregnant, while another one told me that if I lost the weight, my chances were higher.
To make a long story short, my husband and I decided it would be best to wait until I had dropped a considerable amount of weight to start trying to have a baby. While I agreed to those terms, I do have moments where my longing to have a child coupled with the grief of not knowing if I'll be able to have a child becomes so overwhelming. Unfortunately, this is one of those moments.
In these moments I get frustrated that some people have it so easy. A lot of women can get pregnant so easily, and some of those women don't deserve or want their children. I wish that God would only grant children to people that deserved them and wanted them. However, because we live in a corrupted world, that's not going to happen.
Through the tears and frustration, I'm trying to tell myself that I can use this as motivation to continue on this path I've chosen towards better health. However, most times it's easier to succumb to feeling sorry for yourself, and stay exactly where your at, than it is to do something about it. These are my struggles tonight.
Sometimes it helps to ease the pain when you know that you are not alone. Others have wanted and dreamed as you have and have faced the same type of struggles. I am one of them. Well, Kenny and I are two of them :-)
ReplyDeleteWhen Kenny and I decided we wanted to start our family we had no idea that there would be any problem whatsoever in doing so. After months of unprotected sex with no pregnancy we decided it was time to check in with a doctor. As it turned out, there was a problem. In fact we were told that our chances of becoming pregnant were slim to none with emphasis on none. They went so far as to tell us to start looking into other" options" if we were going to go ahead with starting a family.
We cried. We asked why us? Like you, I felt that so many women who don't even want their children have it so easy. Why couldn't we have a child to love? After some time, we came to the conclusion that if God wanted us to have children he would have given us one. We didn't want to play with "mother nature" so to speak. So we went about our lives thinking that it would be just the two of us forever. We came to peace with that.
Since you already know how this story ends :-) Let me just say to you that miracles do happen. I have been witness to one of the most beautiful miracles. I guess God DID want us to have a child. I think he was reminding me that it was HIS plan, not mine and that miracles DO happen, and they can happen to you too sweetie.
Hang in there. You are so young and have so much to experience with your husband, just the two of you. Enjoy that time. God has your plan, he just hasn't shared it with you yet. {{{HUGS}}}
Much love,
Dana
I know how frustrating it is Courtney! And Satan knows our weaknesses and will definitely try to keep us down by reminding us of them. God is working in your life and has awesome plans for you. Trust Him! Praying for you!
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