Good News

This morning Travis called me with some exciting news! He found out today that he will start clearing on the 19th of this month and his last day in the Army will be June 4th! After 26 months, he's finally going to be out!

Also, he told me that in the next few weeks he wants me to go down to the post office to get a passport.. Why? Because he wants to go on vacation within the next year! Where? Where ever I want!! Finally a wonderful vacation with just my hubby and I! We were never able to go on a honeymoon so this will be exciting!

Life As of Late

About a week ago, I packed up and moved down to Arkansas. I packed up the car with some of my things and three dogs. God spared me from a terrible accident only hours into my drive. I was driving down the interstate when this semi started weaving in and out of traffic almost running me and a few other cars off the road. I felt that God wanted me to slow down quite a bit and let this guy get quite a bit, so I did. About an hour later traffic started picking up. After being stuck in traffic for about a half an hour I passed the scene of a horrible accident. Some how the same semi that ran me off the road blew up.. I don't know if another car was involved or not, but it was bad. Thank God I was not close enough to have been involved!

Since I arrived in Arkansas, I've spent a lot of time catching up with family and friends. It's been amazing! I've also been looking for a house or an apartment to live in, and have had horrible luck. Everything I've seen so far has been in poor condition and has reeked of mildew. Hopefully I'll find something really soon so that I can start looking for a job.

Travis is still in the Army, but he shouldn't be in for long. We're hoping that he'll be out in about 3 weeks or so. I miss him terribly! He finally received his VA rating, and was granted 100%+ disability. This is such a huge blessing for us, as we were expecting 60%. God is good!

About two months ago, God started dealing with me in regards to one of my past friends with whom I had a huge falling out with about 2 years ago. Little did I know that God was also working on her as well. A few weeks later, I received an e-mail from her. Ever since, we've been exchanging a few e-mails back and forth. Well, last week I was able to meet with her. We had a wonderful time and we were able to work through a lot of our past hurts. It's amazing to see how God started working on both of us at the same time! I'm so glad that God worked in our situation.

Well, that's all for now. I'm going to try to post more as I start to get settled.

Mind and Body

Last night Travis and I had an oh-so-wonderful heart to heart. You know, one of those talks are NEVER fun, however, when you're through with them, you generally feel enlightened and inspired. We talked about our future and things that are holding us back from achieving what we wanted out of life. We talked about my weight and how much I struggle with fixing this issue that I have. I told him that even though in my head I want to work out, my body never feels up to the challenge. My body always tends to crave something so strongly that I end up giving in even though my mind is screaming "NOOO!"

Travis then made a very interesting observation... He said that it seems that I've let my body control my mind instead of the other way around. Then he showed me this quote that he had found... 

"Now if you are going to win any battle you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do. The body will always give up. It is always tired in the morning, noon, and night. But the body is never tired if the mind is not tired."

                                    - George S. Patton, U.S. Army General, 1912 Olympian

Needless to say, the lightbulb came on. Really, how many times have I let my body decide what I was or wasn't going to do. How many times have workouts or chores been neglected because I didn't feel up to something? How many times have I eaten in such an unhealthy manner because my body told me to? Rarely have I forsaken the wants of my body. Rarely have I given my body what it needs (a figurative kick in the fanny.)

So begins the process of training my mind to think for itself.

Tough Times

This week has been one of the most emotionally draining weeks I've had in quite some time. As I've stated before, my husband has PTSD (post tramatic stress disorder.) This week, he's been struggling a lot lately in regards to the cause of this disorder, and has decided that he needs some additional help. The opportunity has arisen for him to seek additional help down in Texas using the best program in the country for PTSD. This program is 28 days long and he could leave as early as this week.

After he made the decision to go, we talked about me packing up and moving down south to set up our home. I didn't want to be in New York by myself for a month, and I felt that I could be closer to him and could visit him occassionally during this program. Plus, he would only be in the Army a few more weeks after he returned.

I started making arrangements to move within a week, and was looking at plane tickets so my best friend could fly up here to help me. Unfortunately, all of that fell through, so we changed plans. As it's looking now, I'm going to move at the beginning of next month. That will give me more time to pack and look for a new home and a job.

Yesterday we hit a snag in the decisions that we had already made. My husband is now thinking that he doesn't want to go to this program and that he can fix the issues that he has. I'm absolutely at a loss. I really believe that going would be the best thing for him. I know he will learn useful tools on how to cope and forgive himself and others. However, I can't convince him that it's really going to help him. It's absolutely frustrating and heartbreaking.

He says the reason he doesn't want to go is that he doesn't want to be treated as a crazy person or a prisoner, which I can understand. Although he won't admit it, I think the main reason he's holding back is because he doesn't want to deal with the pain this will cause. He knows that in order to heal, he's going to have to deal with the stuff that he's been surpressing for so long. He's going to have to feel, and I think that scares him.

We need a lot of prayer. I want him to actually go to this program and to begin the healing process. I need the strength to deal with a time of lonliness and the stress that comes with moving. I thank you all and I hope you had a wonderful Easter.

Mishka's Babies

Adak

Lola

Niko

Maia & Akira

Happy Mom

A basket full of joy

Beautiful family

Happy Birthday?

Growing up, my family went all out on our birthdays. It usually started out with my parents waking me up by singing "Happy Birthday" and was followed by my favorite breakfast (which was always my dad's biscuits and gravy.) Throughout the day, I got to pick everything I wanted to do (within reason, of course.) My parents made our birthday completely about us. Because of this, I naturally feel like everyone should be treated in this manner on their birthday... But what if they don't want to be?

This is a question I've had to ask myself a lot lately, as my husband says he doesn't like the attention. For my husband, a birthday is a reminder of all the painful ones he had growing up. His birthday was another excuse for his mom to throw an adult party, which meant alcohol and drugs. Even as a child, his day was not about him at all. His brother and sisters all have wonderful birthdays and are spoiled ridiculously, but never Travis. As an adult, he doesn't receive birthday cards or even phone calls from his family.

Lately we've had conversations about what he wants to do for his birthday. He has told me that he would just prefer it if I didn't make any fuss about it because "it's just another day." This absolutely breaks my heart. As a wife, I just want to fix his pain with all that I have. I want to be able to give him the most amazing day on his birthday so that he can forget all the bad ones he's ever had. I really think he wants to have amazing birthdays, but the memories of past birthdays and his family keep him from doing so.

So how can this barrier be eliminated? Will it ever be? Even though his family may not show that they treasure him, I want my husband to know how much I rejoice that he's been given another year of life. I want him to celebrate it too. I feel so helpless though. I fight the urge to get furious and resentful towards his mother. How dare someone steal something as precious a happy birthday away from someone and not even care.

As my husband's birthday approaches in just a few hours, I pray that God would perform a miracle. One that includes forgiveness and healing. I pray for a day of joy. I pray that my husband does have a happy birthday after all.

Life as I Currently Know It

To my faithful readers: I do apologize greatly for not posting anything in over a week, as my mind has been on other things. Because my mind is still else where, I thought I would give a quick update on what's going on with us.

First of all, we received some great news... Travis received his revamped NARSUM back and was able to sign it yesterday. This is a very huge step in the medical discharge process. Now we wait for a disability rating from the VA along with a discharge date. The woman said it could be another month or two. I've heard that before! Hopefully I will be able to spend this spring in the Ozarks?!

Secondly, we received even better news: Mishka is not only having 2-3 puppies, she is actually having FIVE! This time they took an x-ray of her belly instead doing of an ultrasound. With the x-ray you can see the skull masses and the spinal cords, but not really much else. Regardless, it was really neat to see. Also, she's gained 10 lbs in 2 weeks! I couldn't believe it was that much. I knew she was getting bigger, but 10 lbs?! She normally weighs 37lbs, so 10lbs is a lot for her.

As her delivery day draws near, I have been spending at least 30 minutes or more each day educating myself on the whelping process and puppy care. I have cleaned out an entire room for Mishka and her pups so that they can have a quiet private area to themselves. I have also made her a whelping bed and have collected "must haves" for the delivery and early care of the pups. I have even gone as far as to watch puppy deliveries on youtube to prepare myself (mainly my stomach) for what's to come. With all of this stressing, studying, and preparing, you would think that I was the one having a baby! ;) Better to be over prepared than under prepared, right?

Well, that's all for now.. I will try to update soon!