A Home of Our Own

Less than an hour after posting my last blog, I got a call from a realtor telling me that we were approved for renting an amazing house! God sure does work quickly!

For months I have been thinking about all of the features I would want in a rental:

* A fenced in yard for the dog

* Hardwood floors (carpet collects nasty things that aggrevate my asthma & they're gorgeous!)

* A kitchen with lots of cabinet space

* 2 bedrooms

* A fireplace

* A garage

* Great neighborhood

* Cheap!

Even though I wanted all of these things, I knew the likelihood of finding all of these qualities would be slim to none... I've spent countless hours looking through housing ads and looking at homes. After an unsuccessful day of house hunting in Springfield, I decided to look for places in the Rogers/Bentonville area. As I was browsing through ads, I opened one ad with tons of wonderful features.. As I was showing my mom she said, "This is the one!!" I thought it was wonderful, so I e-mailed the realtor. She showed me the house and I couldn't believe it.. It had everything I wanted, except the hardwood floors. As she was showing me around, the maintenance man came in and started pulling up the carpet. They said that the previous tenants had animals that trashed the carpet, so they were pulling it up to put in hardwood floors!!! Needless to say, I was estatic! I applied for the house, and now it's mine!

Yet again, God has shown that He cares about the things we care about, no matter how insignificant they are. Of course I was going to find a home, but He went above that and gave me all that I wanted and more. Also,  I'm now seeing that when things aren't quite working out and you feel frustrated and abandoned in the process, He's actually gone ahead of you and is preparing something even more wonderful.. We just have to be patient and keep our eyes focused on Him or else we get lost in the small things and miss the blessings He has for us.

A Fish Out of Water

Right now I feel like a fish out of water. I feel like I've been scooped up out of my familiarities and placed on a table, not knowing if I can find a way back to my tank.

In New York, I had my home, my husband, my routines. Now, I have none of that. I'm going between my parent's house and my friend's house. They are always completely hospitable and I greatly appreciate their generosity. And while I absolutely love being with my family and friends, I feel alone and out of place.

Since I've been here, I've been looking for a home, however, I've not had much luck. Either it's too expensive, it reeks of mildew, or no one returns my phone calls. It has been such a frustrating experience. With all of this going on, I'm asking myself if I made the right decision to move down here. Maybe I jumped when I wasn't suppose to jump? I feel so uneasy.

I'm longing for comfort and familiarity. I want to feel at peace with the decision we made to move down here. I miss my husband so much and I miss our life together. I miss having a place of our own. I really don't like having to rely on others to give me a roof over my head. I don't like not having a plan or having some smidgen of an idea of what's going to happen today or tomorrow.

I'm sorry for complaining.. Being alone has given me too much time to think and worry. I pray that very soon God gives me some direction, a place to live, and His peace that passes all understanding.

Good News

This morning Travis called me with some exciting news! He found out today that he will start clearing on the 19th of this month and his last day in the Army will be June 4th! After 26 months, he's finally going to be out!

Also, he told me that in the next few weeks he wants me to go down to the post office to get a passport.. Why? Because he wants to go on vacation within the next year! Where? Where ever I want!! Finally a wonderful vacation with just my hubby and I! We were never able to go on a honeymoon so this will be exciting!

Life As of Late

About a week ago, I packed up and moved down to Arkansas. I packed up the car with some of my things and three dogs. God spared me from a terrible accident only hours into my drive. I was driving down the interstate when this semi started weaving in and out of traffic almost running me and a few other cars off the road. I felt that God wanted me to slow down quite a bit and let this guy get quite a bit, so I did. About an hour later traffic started picking up. After being stuck in traffic for about a half an hour I passed the scene of a horrible accident. Some how the same semi that ran me off the road blew up.. I don't know if another car was involved or not, but it was bad. Thank God I was not close enough to have been involved!

Since I arrived in Arkansas, I've spent a lot of time catching up with family and friends. It's been amazing! I've also been looking for a house or an apartment to live in, and have had horrible luck. Everything I've seen so far has been in poor condition and has reeked of mildew. Hopefully I'll find something really soon so that I can start looking for a job.

Travis is still in the Army, but he shouldn't be in for long. We're hoping that he'll be out in about 3 weeks or so. I miss him terribly! He finally received his VA rating, and was granted 100%+ disability. This is such a huge blessing for us, as we were expecting 60%. God is good!

About two months ago, God started dealing with me in regards to one of my past friends with whom I had a huge falling out with about 2 years ago. Little did I know that God was also working on her as well. A few weeks later, I received an e-mail from her. Ever since, we've been exchanging a few e-mails back and forth. Well, last week I was able to meet with her. We had a wonderful time and we were able to work through a lot of our past hurts. It's amazing to see how God started working on both of us at the same time! I'm so glad that God worked in our situation.

Well, that's all for now. I'm going to try to post more as I start to get settled.

Mind and Body

Last night Travis and I had an oh-so-wonderful heart to heart. You know, one of those talks are NEVER fun, however, when you're through with them, you generally feel enlightened and inspired. We talked about our future and things that are holding us back from achieving what we wanted out of life. We talked about my weight and how much I struggle with fixing this issue that I have. I told him that even though in my head I want to work out, my body never feels up to the challenge. My body always tends to crave something so strongly that I end up giving in even though my mind is screaming "NOOO!"

Travis then made a very interesting observation... He said that it seems that I've let my body control my mind instead of the other way around. Then he showed me this quote that he had found... 

"Now if you are going to win any battle you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do. The body will always give up. It is always tired in the morning, noon, and night. But the body is never tired if the mind is not tired."

                                    - George S. Patton, U.S. Army General, 1912 Olympian

Needless to say, the lightbulb came on. Really, how many times have I let my body decide what I was or wasn't going to do. How many times have workouts or chores been neglected because I didn't feel up to something? How many times have I eaten in such an unhealthy manner because my body told me to? Rarely have I forsaken the wants of my body. Rarely have I given my body what it needs (a figurative kick in the fanny.)

So begins the process of training my mind to think for itself.

Tough Times

This week has been one of the most emotionally draining weeks I've had in quite some time. As I've stated before, my husband has PTSD (post tramatic stress disorder.) This week, he's been struggling a lot lately in regards to the cause of this disorder, and has decided that he needs some additional help. The opportunity has arisen for him to seek additional help down in Texas using the best program in the country for PTSD. This program is 28 days long and he could leave as early as this week.

After he made the decision to go, we talked about me packing up and moving down south to set up our home. I didn't want to be in New York by myself for a month, and I felt that I could be closer to him and could visit him occassionally during this program. Plus, he would only be in the Army a few more weeks after he returned.

I started making arrangements to move within a week, and was looking at plane tickets so my best friend could fly up here to help me. Unfortunately, all of that fell through, so we changed plans. As it's looking now, I'm going to move at the beginning of next month. That will give me more time to pack and look for a new home and a job.

Yesterday we hit a snag in the decisions that we had already made. My husband is now thinking that he doesn't want to go to this program and that he can fix the issues that he has. I'm absolutely at a loss. I really believe that going would be the best thing for him. I know he will learn useful tools on how to cope and forgive himself and others. However, I can't convince him that it's really going to help him. It's absolutely frustrating and heartbreaking.

He says the reason he doesn't want to go is that he doesn't want to be treated as a crazy person or a prisoner, which I can understand. Although he won't admit it, I think the main reason he's holding back is because he doesn't want to deal with the pain this will cause. He knows that in order to heal, he's going to have to deal with the stuff that he's been surpressing for so long. He's going to have to feel, and I think that scares him.

We need a lot of prayer. I want him to actually go to this program and to begin the healing process. I need the strength to deal with a time of lonliness and the stress that comes with moving. I thank you all and I hope you had a wonderful Easter.

Mishka's Babies

Adak

Lola

Niko

Maia & Akira

Happy Mom

A basket full of joy

Beautiful family